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Comments:
It's been only 4 months since you're breakup so it's normal to still be going through the emotions although it sounds like you may be ready to give the "right" guy a chance. You know how alcohol affects you so next time don't drink on an empty stomach. You apologized and that's all you can do. You handled the aftermath well although it seems he is turned off by your actions. All you can do is move on and learn from it. It's not like you were sloppy drunk and throwing up.
My point is that it's life, and that's how things work in the real world, outside of the PC environment.
I find that the truth may hurt you once but can be delt with but a lie will hurt you over and over agai.
If you trick him and he admits then you know for sure she was lying to you. When a person is cheating on you it is not one thing that is conclusive rather it is an accumulation of small things that when put together points to an affair. I agree try to be sly with this guy and get him to spill the beans. Almost all of the time your gut reaction is usually correct. She is on to you that you are suspicious so it will be difficult.
I'm quite frankly not sure what to make of this entire situation, I want to trust her, she hasn't given me reason not to, but given the distance between us and the fact that her 'couple' live in the same area as her, and that she could in effect cheat on me and I would never know (considering I don't know any of her friends whatsoever, and she is somewhat secretive about my existence, only a handful of her friends know about me and unless something has changed the past few days the couple isn't among them) I'm feeling really uncomfortable. There is also the fact that we have drastically different beliefs when it comes to sex and relationships. She is of the opinion, amongst other things, that sex without emotion is possible, to this I say bull barring certain very specific circumstances, and even then its kinda rocky. She is also open to the idea of polyamory/open relationships, though as best as I can tell she would prefer not to (she has told me that she doesn't really want to share me with anyone else), though she has asked me in the past to sleep with other women (to which I said hell no) because she is worried that I will eventually start to lust after experiencing other girls, etc. and my mind will wander and I will be unfaithful to her. She's a very headstrong, independent girl (something I love about her) but somewhat socially awkward/naive (as the threesome lite scenario illustrates), I can almost see her justifying her decision as not being cheating and me not having any reason to feel hurt about it or whatever and doing it.
you wrote that she was distant with you.....and that you want to regain her trust ...if she is the type of person who tells you to act like nothing happened ....its because she wants you in her life....just take it day by day from now not yesterday...and let the conversation flow.... be open and honest ...you will gain her trust again....be thoughtful before you accuse...be really sure of what you say...never let jealousy get in the way...put that sucker to bed....its a relationship killer.....good luck.....deb
Sexual past doesn't hurt anyone, it has no influence on someone's ability to be in a relationship, and how many people I have ****ed is frankly NOBODY'S business but my own. I'm clean and safe, if that isn't enough then I could care less.
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